Love Sucks

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 19:25:21 GMT

"LOVE IS IN THE AIR... TRY NOT TO BREATHE."

Can't Lie, I'm in love with my best friend...

Sun, 06 Nov 2011 23:33:58 GMT

I don't even know if anyone uses livejournal anymore but I figure it's one place I can still post with some online anonymity. Plus, I'm really in need of help and I'll take any advice I can get.

Ok, the short version of the story is that I'm a male with a great female friend (I actually consider her my best friend) and there's a part of me that has always wanted more than just friendship. Now here's the long version.

After taking her to my Junior Prom back in May of 2005 I started to fall for her. That crush grew into stronger feelings yet I never said anything due to feeling unable to handle a relationship and fear of rejection. For almost 2 years I kept everything bottled up while we gradually got closer albeit as friends. Finally on Valentine's Day 2007 I wrote her a letter explaining my feelings. While she did appreciate the flattering things I said and admitted that could bring us closer, she still rejected me. The next six months were up and down with awkwardness yet we still remained friends despite her saying she could never be 100% comfortable around me. During this time I had a lot of emotional problems so she still stayed with me as a friend and helped me out despite that. Things got back to normal as we prepared to go back to college. I told I was over her as I was about to begin life at a new school. I honestly thought I was over her.

Anyway, I started living the party life with gallon after gallon of booze, weed smoking, and multiple sex partners (please don't judge. It was college). At the same time, she met a guy and ended up dating him for almost 3 years. As surprising as it may seem, her getting a b/f didn't really hurt me. I spent about a year and a half being like an older brother to her and was kinda content with it. Her boyfriend and I even got along. Then in October of 2009 he got frustrated and broke up with her though only for a couple weeks. During those couple weeks she turned to me and I comforted her as much as possible. It was during those couple weeks I realized that I still loved her and never truly got over her. I just drowned my feelings for her by living the high life.

As luck would have it, they then got back together and I knew I would have to bury my feelings. So I did. It was around this time I began seeing my feelings towards her as a burden and tried to meet any other girl who could be the one. Then in January of this year they broke up...for real this time. Or at least for the last 9 months. Naturally, I helped her through the initial break-up plus I took her out and tried to get her mind off things when her ex found someone else just a couple months ago.

We have a great friendship, we really do. As of this Halloween we've been friends for 7 years and in that time we have been through so much together. I love her, she loves me but not like I love her. I feel like I'm betraying her trust by having these feelings and desires for something more. Plus, it hurts me. Sure, I can deal with it most of the time and just put it on the back burner. I look at my feelings as like having a bad back or bad knees. Sure, you're sort of in pain 24/7 but for the most part you deal. Then you have your bad days though.

I've been slipping back into depression for the first time in 4 years these past couple months. It's finally time for me to admit that this has been a part of it and easing this pain will truly help get my life back on track. So, I admit it. I'm in love with my best friend and have been lying about it for over 4 years. Hell, for 2 years I even lied to myself. It's time for me to do something. I can't go on like this.

What can i possibly do? I need help. I may need some kind of therapy to truly get over this. I certainly can't cut her out of my life. You probably think I should tell her and that could help. While it could ease the burden it could potentially change our friendship for the worst because now she'll question everything from the last 4 years. I went through hell when i wrote her that V-Day letter way back and I'm not going through it again. Think about it, not only would I be admitting feelings but I'd be admitting that I've been lying to her for 4+ years. Can I possibly get over this whole thing without her knowing? I just want this to end!

The worst part is, who do you think I would normally turn to in a situation like this? Yes, I can't even turn to my best friend...

Fuck Love, I'm Tired of Trying

Wed, 06 Jul 2011 18:28:43 GMT

I met this guy ten years older than me. I am 34 and he is 44. Our birthdays are both in November. He told me he is still in love with his deceased fiance and he does not know if he can give me unconditional love and he does not want to cheat anyone. However on the other hand we talk every day, have sex, go out every weekend and sometimes through the week. I care a great deal for this man and I am just lost for words. I want a chance to love him but I don't know how. I written a letter asking for a chance to love him in hopes it can heal his heart to love again unconditionally but it seems as if he wants to continue in the state he is in and I'm just stuck with a shell. What the Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cross posted--sorry

Sat, 23 Oct 2010 02:45:27 GMT

I know this is getting old, and I hope I'm healing, but I honestly have no one who understands, and this is the one place where I can vent.
If he ever sees any of these excuses, I swear, I don't know what I'd do.
Capitalization was weird in MS word...sorry.

How do I take that step from love to just friends?

Could you help me please?

Cause there’s a gap in between and I’m scared.

I see you’ve fallen through, disappeared for awhile,

but you are trying to pull yourself back up.

As you pull on the rope, trying to reach the safety,

I never know if you are going to fall deeper.

Each time you reach out I respond… and I wait for

Weeks only to hear nothing, and fear you’ve fallen deeper.

I look down for you often.

I try to reach out for you, placing hints in places

Where you can see.

I don’t know if you realize that I’m stuck too.

Though you’ve made yourself fall out of love,

My feet are weighted down like lead.

I know I love you, and yet it’s so hard to convince myself

That this unconditional love that has somehow survived a broken

Heart and shattered hopes can be a love between friends.

Each time I see you, I realize I’m still in love as much as I ever was.

We’ve fallen opposite ways.

We can’t meet in the middle, or we’d both fall through

Disappearing from one another for another few years at least.

We can’t meet anywhere but at the end, as friends.

So tell me, one who I remember from years past,

When you are ready to take that step.

All I know is that it will take time for my heart,

But I’ll be waiting

Open arms and open mind

I’ll be waiting.

x-cross-posted

Thu, 30 Sep 2010 00:55:35 GMT

It's my fault, I guess.
There are times you want to hold on to love so tightly that you just can't let go
even when there is no rope left to hold.
Even when love is no longer possible
I went through our reunion
about a million times in my brain
before it happened.

Yet, as I feel your arms around me...
as I breathe in to the smell that now surrounds me...
I forget everything that I planned in my brain...
every single second was gone.

In my head, survival mode for my heart, I guess
I try to tell myself what to do.
I tell myself to remain silent, remain cold...don't say a thing
and yet my mouth opens and words begin pouring out.
Not "why did you leave me after so long without a goodbye"
but simple things about plans for the day... as if you had never left
as if my heart was still intact.

As you tell me that we should meet up,
my brain jumps in yet again to protect my heart.
It tells me not to take you seriously... not to get my hopes up.
Too late. I trusted you and it's been weeks... you've broken my trust again.

As you leave, I hear my warnings louder than ever.
DON"T YOU DARE GET UP TO GIVE HIM A......
and yet my heart reacts too soon.
I'm standing, wrapping my arms around you in an embrace...telling you it's good to see you.
At that point, I honestly think I could see my heart, laying out on the sidewalk with the cans
full of tissue and pictures torn to pieces.

So now I sit here...
beyond angry at myself
for letting it seem as if everything
between us is unchanged.
We used to look at each other and
just smile...knowing we'd never lose each other.
Now, we can barely make eye contact.
For when I look at you, I fear my sadness will escape
and you just look down towards the ground.

I want to scream that I love you,
but even my heart, the one that forgives a bit
too easily, has walls up too high
to let me express how I truly feel.

Every time I looked at you that day,
all I could think of was our last phone call...
the anger I could feel from the opposite side of the phone,
the shame I felt for trying to show I cared... the tears of hopelessness.
As I hung up, I remember collapsing on the floor in desperation,
praying to whatever I believed in,
asking that this would work out... that our love would get us through...
I remember feeling a sense of peace after, that everything would work,
and now I just add that to the list of lies that love made me believe.

I hate myself more than anything.
I'm so angry that when you spoke to me I believed you...
I'm so mad that I couldn't be cold...
that I just cared about you too much
that all I could let you see was that same
darn defenseless girl you left over two and a half years ago.

It's my fault, I guess.
There are times you want to hold on to love so tightly that you just can't let go
even when there is no rope left to hold... and yet tonight while I still grip it
with all the strength that is left, I realize my hand is full of only string

Daily habits of happy women

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 22:38:23 GMT

Don't wait for a trip to Paris or a winning lottery ticket for a needed boost. New research shows that small everyday habits make a big difference in your ability to cultivate a positive mindset. Weave into your routine these healthy choices from Prevention magazine, published by Rodale:

1. 9 a.m. — Start your day green: People who drink four or more cups of green tea a day are 44 percent less likely to be depressed than those who sip it less often. Its amino acid theanine may spur the release of the feel-good brain chemical serotonin.

2. 12:30 p.m. detox your lunch: Pack your plate with fresh fruit and veggies, in addition to fish and whole grains. Limit fried, sugary or processed foods to occasional treats. Women who eat this way have lower odds of depression, an Australian study found.

3. 10 p.m. track the good stuff: Every night, write down three things that went well for you that day. Be descriptive and note the role you have played in making them happen. You'll be increasingly mindful of how much control you have over the bright spots in your life.
read more at kategrace the lesbian dating community

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 00:56:32 GMT

So,
My mother keeps telling me that it's still okay to love people even if they aren't the one that's right for you...
I'm not sure whether it's a comfort, knowing that they cannot love me in return, but it at least
gives me something to think about.

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 23:54:21 GMT

This is the story of my life...Love sucks. And you know what sucks more?! Long distance. I'm done with the lies and the jealously. I'm ending it. Us. But part of me doesn't want to...end it. Can anyone understand that? I love him but I wish I didn't... I wish I could hate him but I don't...

"As the sun disappears beneath the horizon,
as the stars and moon rise above,
let me this one night be a thief of affection,
in the dark a murderer of love"
(Just a few lines of a poem I wrote)

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 17:41:28 GMT

I realized this past weekend just how much it sucks
to NOT have a significant other.
I miss that feeling of love so much--the different kind of love.
It's been nearly a year (well 11 months), and
I just have this need inside me to form a connection again.
My heart's walls are just too high, and as much as I try
to take them down, I can't.
I miss the feeling of being wanted by a significant other.
It's a feeling I've only experienced twice (maybe once),
and it's just something that can't be found anywhere else.
I guess I just miss not being lonely.

Online Dating

Thu, 19 Aug 2010 05:48:36 GMT

For about a month, I have been trying online dating at a friend’s suggestion. This made sense to me since I have little time to go out to meet guys. So I filled out the profile honestly and to the point, topping it off with a picture of myself at the beach. The first day, I got a message from a LARPer. For those of you who don’t know, Live Action Role Players are worse than the stereo typical D&D role-player on the dork line (I know, I table top role-play). LARPers dress in costume and fight with foam swords. This particular guy was about 100 pounds overweight and in his 40’s. I really should have known right there what I was getting into.

Over the past month, I have talked to many people that were interested in me, but I either didn’t have anything in common with them, they creeped me out, or they were way too pushy. So today I went to check my messages on OkCupid and found three waiting for me. One was from an attractive guy in his late 20’s…asking me if I would like to date his girlfriend. He was very polite about it and very well spoken; however, he thought that his girlfriend would be interested in me and thought I may want to meet her.

Message number two simply asked if I would like to fuck. Which brings me to message number three; this was from a guy who I have been sending messages back and forth with about books for a while. He explained that he couldn’t wait to read a fantasy novel I recommended to him…then proceeded to ask me if I had ever read the Bible, commenting that he noticed I wasn’t listed as a Christian. The rest of the message was him telling me about the glory of God.

So my OkCupid lessons about myself for the day are: 1) Attractive, well spoken guys are not interested, but their girlfriends may be. 2) Strangers want to fuck me. 3) I should be saved.

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 03:33:02 GMT

our song is like an addiction-- no matter how upset it makes me, no matter how many lies it made me believe, I still have to stop and think every time it plays.. just listen

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 02:55:01 GMT

You know what's annoying?
My entire life, my parents have been trying to teach me
not to be superficial... to look on the inside not the outside.
Now that my second ex has left me, my parents continuously
make the comment
"You are lucky he left. He was fat"
It's annoying because my body type isn't that different from his...

Just fade away....

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 19:14:48 GMT

Why can't I just get over him? He's my first love. He told me he loved me but lied. Our friendship is probably over anyway. He used me and lied to me and I deserve better and I can't let him go! It's been three years since I've felt so empty and alone, he saved me from myself and without him I'm back to feeling that way again. I don't know what to do. I tried to prepare myself for this. But it hurts and I just want it to go away. I want to forget him. I want out of this place that reminds me of him. The memories are haunting me like he's a ghost. And I just want it all to disappear. I want to disappear. Now I want him to suffer and lose everything and regret what he's done to me. How do you let go when you don't want to?

I screwed up

Sat, 10 Jul 2010 04:56:33 GMT

I have (had I guess) this amazing boyfriend who is so kind and loving to me, and loves my daughter like she were his own. I had been feeling really worried and kind of depressed for a few weeks because he told me he was going to move to a college town about an hour away and live in the dorms. He made a comment that he would get an apartment if he could, but he didnt seem like he was going to put much effort into getting us another apartment in this other city. I can't afford to drive to this town on any regular basis, let alone afford to actually enroll in the school and pay for an apartment and childcare for my daughter. And I was afraid of what would happen to my daughter (who adores him) if we broke up later on because of him being at school in another town. So I just let everything stew in my brain for two or three weeks without saying a word to him (first mistake). And then we went to the bar Saturday night, and he asked to take me back to our apartment so he could take a nap for a little bit. I knew he was going to pass out for the night, and I told him I didnt mind, if he would just admit that that was what he was going to do. He promised he was just going to sleep for 20 minutes, and then we could do whatever I wanted (which frankly means sex, and lots of it). I gave up on that issue and went back to the bar (second mistake). I drank a lot of gin, and just as I was about to leave some old guy ordered me another one. I didnt want to drink it (I was already pretty bad off at that point) but I didnt want to waste it or be rude so I drank half of it and left. I got back to the apartment and my boyfriend was passed out drunk, like expected, I was started to feel sick on top of already being depressed. And in a moment of pure, uncontrollable panic, I decided that the only solution to make me less sad was to pack up my stuff, throw it in the car and leave a note saying I'd be back for the rest of my stuff Monday. I drove home, realized I made a mistake, but was way too sick to go back and undo it. My texted me a few hours later, hurt and pissed off, and we had an argument about it for a few hours. And at no point in this conversation did I bother to say that I hadn't meant it.

So its been a week, he doesnt trust me, doesnt want to see me, talk to me, and will only occasionally answer me if I text him asking a question. He said he would let me know when he was ready to talk, but I have serious doubts if this will ever happen. Its tearing me up inside. I am having constant panic attacks, and i am just so miserable. I love him, more than anything, and I never in a million years meant to hurt him. But now Im stuck here, trying to wait it out and hope he misses/loves me enough to eventually forgive me, or at least talk to me again.

So thats my rant (I guess its not really a rant because im not angry in the least bit), do with it what you will

Mon, 12 Apr 2010 01:07:53 GMT

I realized that tomorrow will be a year
since I told my ex I would date him.
When am I going to STOP remembering landmark dates?
WHEN am I just going to let them pass like an ordinary day?
I HATE THIS SO MUCH1

cheater cheater pumpkin eater

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 02:52:23 GMT

I am so incredibly pissed right now because I can now confirm that all boys are fucking assholes. You tell a girl who is already way too good for you that you love her, but you don't actually mean it because you just want to have sex with her. And then, I guess you put up with her because every girl wants to be her and every other guy wonders how you landed her in the first place. But then one night you decide you want to hang out with the shadiest people ever, get fucked up and hook up with the NASTIEST girl ever, just so SHE can call her ex-boyfriend who broke up with her the NIGHT BEFORE to rub it in his face. Classy.

This makes me question relationships in general. Why the fuck do we tell people we love them when we're just going to fuck around and completely disregard our feelings towards our significant other? Do I tell my best friend her boyfriend is a complete douche bag? She told me he promised her that he didn't hook up with the other girl, but the cat's out of the bag, people. THIS IS WHY TRUST IS DEAD. And I can guarantee who ever reads this that my best friend will believe her fuck ass boyfriend over the person who told her. He's not even man enough to own up to what he did. Instead he promises her that it isn't true, when, in fact, I know that it is. How are we ever supposed to trust each other when we can basically get away with whatever we want once "I love you" is the bridge holding the relationship together? "He loves me, so he would never hurt me." HAHAHAHA.

Go to hell.

Wed, 24 Mar 2010 02:08:34 GMT

I loved you but.. .. .

Promote Your Page Too

We've all got problems..

Sat, 06 Feb 2010 22:02:16 GMT

that's why we're here.. right?

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and change now. I love him dearly and I know he loves me... but there are problems. Pretty big ones I don't know how to handle. I know I don't cope the best with things that bother me, and I really don't have an excuse. I've always been an anxious person, prone to jumping to conclusions and exaggerating the smallest things. I don't want to use my anxiety as a crutch anymore; I'm going back to the doctor and likely, into counseling again. I'm okay with all this.

What I do a problem with, however, is how Eric treats me sometimes. He's never hit me or lied or cheated or anything which is kind of what makes this hard -- at least then I'd know how to react. I know that sounds awful, but I've been there and done that; it was a long, hard road to finish, one that I'll never allow myself to trek again. No, Eric is a nice guy. Nice and desensitized.

When we fight, he doesn't actually talk about what bothers him. He gets quiet and shuts down. He ignores me for days on end and only talks to me when he is ready, despite what I might be thinking or feeling. I like to figure shit out and try to find a compromise. This is totally a 'men are from mars' kind of problem, but it's one that has come up a lot lately. Along with this, Eric also has put a cap on his ambition. He's content with things as they are and doesn't really want them to change, nor will he give them the opportunity to improve. Here's an example (this really happened):

Me: I may end up going to Europe for a few months to a year if my masters program does exchanging. What do you think:
Him: I think I'd miss you and that it'd be a really long year.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm not expecting Eric to drop everything he has here to come with me. But... I feel like he won't go on 'adventures' with me, if you will. He wants to stay in his hum-drum hometown and, quite honestly, expects me to move there to be with him. My ambitions don't lie in a small town in PA with cows and farmers. I feel like he expects me to give up what I want so he can keep what he has. I feel this is very unfair.

I just... I feel like he doesn't want to see me. I have to bribe him to come over on Fridays instead of Saturdays. I feel like if he cared about me, really, I wouldn't have to do that. I understand if he has things to do or whatever, which is fine, but when I know he isn't busy... and he waits until it's way too late to tell me he isn't coming... I get really upset.

I don't know how to find a compromise with him. I don't know if this is supposed to work out. The only thing I *do* know is that I love him and I don't want to break up. But I am at such a loss for a solution. Sometimes I feel like the only option is to end it. I want to tell him what I feel, but I'm afraid he'd see it as crazy or as that I'm trying to push him into committment. And I'm not. I just want to know that he thinks this could go somewhere, that he would go with me and support me if I sought better and got it. I honestly think if I were to get a publishing job in NYC or Philly that he would stay here and just see me "whenever time permitted."

I am not a sometimes girlfriend, damn it.

Does anyone have any ideas? Please. I'm kind of desperate here.

i just need different ears, different minds..

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 07:23:27 GMT

what do you do...

I have made some poor choices in my life. Nothing like this one idiot..
I have spent many years of my life chasing after this one idiot until i finally gave into sense and just told him to fuck off.
He used me. Never complimented me..ever, never treated me how I should've been treated.. I was just there for when he needed some action..worst of all i knew it all along..and i let him do that to me.
Finally after a while of hiding under a rock..i decided to search for something new..at this point..I knew what i wanted...
..when i finally found him..he was exactly what i wanted from a guy. he treated me great. gave as much enthusiasm as i did. Was a gentleman. He kissed me so gently, and held me tight, almost never wanting to let go of me. I thought wow... for a while now, this is all i ever wanted, this is all i ever needed. I had given my heart this last chance and gave in.
All that disappeared a couple of weeks later.
He played me and he used me.
I dont know if it's just me to blame anymore. Before i let it happen. This time...!!!!!!!

what do you do now? after so much hurting..to come out and give your heart to someone after not being able to, you..you come out with this bullshit and rip my heart out with your bear hands?
what do i do now?

heart you have failed me.

There's something to a crying girl

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 11:24:49 GMT

Letting it out

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:41:34 GMT

New to the comm. So, I went away to another country for a few years, met a guy, and stayed with him for over three years. I thought he was the one, going so far as to stay in the country I was begining to despise just to be with him. I found out he had been cheating on me (I found sex videos he made with this girl) and the girl on the side was a sad affair in herself, putting a huge blow into my self esteem. We tried to work things out afterwards but I was growing to dispise him so much that I moved back to my home country.

He had told me he wanted to marry me, that he loved me, and that she was a mistake. I think my self esteem wanted to believe it more than my heart. I'm home and I'm happy but I can't help but want to know that he regrets what he did, that he will regret losing me. I know I'm not the greatest person in the world but I feel confident that I was a great girlfriend and friend and I want to know if he understands that. I know it's stupid and there is no way of knowing because he doesn't speak to me, whether out of shame or anger, I don't know. I imagine what it would be like if I met him again, me being thinner and prettier and successful in my fancies and him feeling innadequate and regretful.

I know I shouldn't dwell on it and I should just forget. I don't love him anymore, he ensured that. But I want some way to feel like I have the upper hand, not him. I feel it's unfair how he could hurt and betray me like that and not recieve any damage himself.

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 04:22:02 GMT

wow. it totally sucks when you start an AMAZING relationship with someone, where you get along great and have spontaneous fun and unbelievable sex, and then they move to another fucking country because they get a job there. fine, that's not their fault, but it really wouldn't hurt to still talk to me, right? even if we aren't together anymore and aren't going to do the long distance thing....well it really fucking sucks when that person just stops talking to you...ugh (and yes, he keeps in contact with all his other friends and even ex-girlfriends). I hope you're having a great life in Miami, asshole.

so I'd really really appreciate feedback because no one else will talk to me

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 21:12:04 GMT

Here's my story:

I have an amazing boyfriend (I won't go into details) and we have a great relationship because we can be best friends and great bf/gf together as well. We get along well when were together hanging out, talking about things, and in bed as well. We have the same plans for our future together and everything seems so amazing and untouchable when were hanging out together. I have had trust issues with my other bfs in the past, and they're somewhat seeping into this relationship. When were apart I feel like he's doing things behind my back, but those feelings were most prominent in the beginning of the relationship when all was new. Now I do trust him, but those thoughts are still in the back of my mind. I have this stupid habit of "spying" on my boyfriends and family members because I'm too curious of a person. I have spied on my boyfriend and gotten hurt by finding out that he's been doing things behind my back, but no cheating or drugs or alcohol or anything significant like that. But that's not what this post is about...

Today, I stayed home sick from college and I am home right now as I type. My boyfriend had some homework to do today and he told me at 1:30 that he needed to "concentrate on typing" and that's why he wasn't responding to my text messages. (this seems very FBI ish, and spyish...) Then, an hour later he texts me saying he's been waiting for his computer to start up, and that it was extremely old and slow. I asked him why did he lie to me and say that he was concentrating on his paper as an excuse when he wasn't? He avoided answering for a long time, and I kept persisting and asking him why. Soon after I told him I was very hurt that he wouldn't tell me the truth, and that he kept ignoring my texts. He ignored these texts as well, and now is still ignoring them. I can't stop crying and I told him that, but he doesn't care. All he texts me back is "it is what it is." or something gay like that. I keep texting him asking how he feels towards me, if he's holding grudges and all he responds is "why are you hurt?" and very short things like that. I don't understand why he's doing this to me, he seems like a robot and not the loving guy I know and love...He said he loves me so many times and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but right now he's not showing it. The last time we got into a quarrel similar to this one, he broke up with me on the phone screaming "fuck you" and hanging up on me, not wanting to talk to me at all... He gets triggered off by the smallest things, which make me not want to bring things up with him anymore. I bring up this stupid little thing about him lying to me, and he pawns the blame off on me, saying I get upset over stupid things. I wasn't even upset about it! I was just pointing it out. And now he's still not talking to me and says hes "cold with feelings right now". I don't understand why something so little and insignificant can get him so upset with me...I know I'm not a perfect person, but god damn I'm asking to drop this shit...

I don't really expect anyone to read this whole thing, I just wish someone cared enough to respond and tell me what the hell to do right now...

Expletive.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 21:17:20 GMT

She's making me crazy. Says she isn't in love with me anymore but wants me around. Not this week though. This week she has friends in from out of town so she doesn't need me. I want to make myself stop loving her and I can't.

Before this--before she decided she didn't want me anymore, I thought every day about how much I didn't want to be with her. I hated her in my head. I screamed at her in my head.

Now I want her back. What is this?

I know I should get away but I don't know how. I think it's killing me from the inside out.

Friends tell me to just say 'No' the next time she wants to be around me, but then I'm afraid I'll miss out on something, and the only reason I'd do it is because I'd think maybe it would make her miss me more.

She has let me down so many times. Usually I'm the one who messes up but not this time. I don't want to be that person so I haven't been, and then she turns out to be.

Shit.

this guy...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 09:29:00 GMT

so i met this guy named greg at a camp about 3 years ago and from the second day of the first yr.

Of camp, i have liked him. so the second year of camp we rly started talking and he told me he liked me from last yr's camp and he still likes me and i told him i flet the same way. we went out for about 5 months and we both fell really hard into love. i was constantly getting grounded and so about a year ago during the month of november we broke up and i have been heart broken since then. i cant seem to get over him. for me its as if the more i try to get over him the more i miss him. we still talk some what and we almost went out again but i scrued it up so that never happened and now he invited me to go to the movies with him and his friends but he'd be on a date with a nother girl named michelle. so i rly dont want to go and see her kissing him and all that. i want to get him back i just dont know what to do. he was the only reason i have ever been happy in my life and i really want my baby back